Cook rice noodles according to package. Drain, rinse, and set aside like you’re waiting for a text back.
Heat sesame oil in a skillet. Add tempeh slices and pan-fry until golden and crisp, about 5 minutes per side.
Remove tempeh. In same pan, sauté garlic, bell pepper, and carrots for 4–5 minutes.
In a bowl, whisk tamarind paste, soy sauce, maple syrup, sriracha, lime juice, and water.
Add noodles and sauce to the skillet. Toss everything like your ex’s stuff in a donation box.
Top with tempeh, green onions, peanuts, and cilantro. Serve with lime wedges and a side of pride.